In some distant memory, I see you, I see me. I see us discussing future plans, of how you and I shall be. And I agree. To each and every detail of our plan. If it means having this opportunity with you – To walk by your side, experience – even create – all life has to offer, How can I say no?
And so I dove in. Head first, heart on my sleeve. In the beginning – oh how glorious. I trusted you, every thing you said, didn’t say, didn’t have to say. I was there to do your bidding, to live for you. No questions asked, I succumbed to the force of your love.
Then at some point reason kicked in. Switching gears from inexplicable faith to rationality, Therein, I cast my lot. I chose to second-guess. Where I’d only seen surety, I found doubt. Hitherto dwelt truth, enter suspicion. Could it be? Distrust in our bed? Adrenaline catapulting emotions into overdrive, Chaos swirling within and without. And then there’s me. Trying to make sense of it all. All that happened, didn’t happen, could have happened. With each step away from you, the world turns icy cold. And then there’s you. Silent, watching, still claiming to love. After everything, still claiming to love.
But you see, we’ve been here before, These break ups and makeups. The ebbs and flows of this “thing” between us. And as always, I come running back, Straight into the warm embrace of your love. Why? Well, it’s simple, really. In some distant memory, I see you, Ya Allah. And then, I see me. I see us discussing future plans, of how You and I shall be. “Surrender all to Me,” You whispered. “Surrender to Me, and We will come out just fine.” And even though I sometimes forget, sometimes I remember. And I agreed. To each and every detail of Your plan.
“And put thy trust in Allah, and enough is Allah as a disposer of affairs.” (Qu’ran 33, Al-Ahzaab: 3)
Jemila Abdulai is the creative director, editor and founder of the award-winning website Circumspecte.com. A media and international development professional and economist by training, she combines her business, communications and project management expertise with her strong passion for Africa. Besides writing and reading, she enjoys travel, global cuisine, movies, and good design.