I got your very frantic missed phone calls. All 30 of them. I also got your rushed voice messages filled with sighs and words I’d better not reproduce here. And as for the email messages, I think you succeeded in achieving what spam has failed to – you filled my inbox to the brim. Given your obviously erratic state of mind, I decided to give you some time to cool off, hence this letter – which will reach you in due time. We rarely make sense when we’re at such heights of emotion anyway, so it’s best to talk about these things when we’re done riding the waves of our anger.
Now to your little situation. The one person you put all your trust in went and betrayed you. She did what you yourself had expressly told her you wouldn’t tolerate in anyone. You probably forgot to mention that it included her, right? Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us. Should you or shouldn’t you remain friends with her? Can she even be trusted after this? Is it even worth the effort? All valid questions my darling, and although I’d like to give you the answers, only you can do that for yourself.
See, (and yes, I’m about to talk some philosophical mumbo-jumbo as you call it) there are bound to be little tiffs here and there in life. Does each have to end in disaster and mayhem? Well, it depends. Yes, I did say it depends. It depends on you, and your reaction to the situation. Unlike what most people think, we actually are the creators of our experience. If someone does something really annoying, you are confronted with a choice. How you choose (respond to that situation) will determine your experience.
In your instance, you cussed the girl out, defamed her for all she’s worth, and even contemplated divulging what information she’d shared with you? Sister, take a moment and re-evaluate. You’re doing to her, exactly what was done to you. What’s that? She deserves it? Well then, I guess you might have deserved it too. Have you two even sat down to discuss what string of incidents led up to this blow-up? *Silence*. Didn’t think so.
Okay, let me cut to the chase on this one. Basically, you need to look at what risks you’re willing to take in this situation. What does your friendship with her mean to you? Yes, yes, I knew you’d say there’s no friendship. But hold your horses. During your entire relationship, what were the things that stuck out to you as beneficial to your growth as an individual? How do you think you influenced her life? If the positives seem to outweigh the negatives, I’d say take some time to think about the situation before making a final decision. And by take some time, I don’t mean doing a drive-by her house.
On the other hand, if you feel like you have nothing more to learn about her, or yourself, and you think your friendship does you more harm than good, then walk away. But know this. Regardless of how good it gets with any friend, relative, lover, colleague and so on, there’s likely to be times when you’re crowding each other’s space, gasping for breath, and strangling each other in the midst of your individual struggles. You can’t escape it. It’s just part of that thing called life. The same differences that make us unique can trigger disagreements. Which is fine. You don’t have to go on an all-out war, you can simply agree to disagree. Pretty neat huh? Yea, I got that one from Harriet Fulbright.
Besides, why ever would you want to spend all this energy fighting for something you might end up deciding you don’t even want? Is it just the thrill of the fight? We always complain how time flies, and how there aren’t enough hours in the day –maybe there are, we’re just not using them as well as we could. Think about that. Remember that train we had when we were both 5? Yes, the little “choo-choo” train with the whistle and song.
“It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears, it’s a world of hopes and a world of fears, there’s so much that we share, that it’s time we’re aware, it’s a small world after all!”
We used to sing that song all the day, but boy, were we clueless about what it meant! I guess this is where we understand it all. Everything comes full circle, doesn’t it? And so it will with your friendship. As much as possible, if you decide that being friends with her no longer serves you, do move on. But don’t burn that bridge. Try to end it on good terms. And if she won’t allow you to do so, or is just being a plain ass, then just let it go. Don’t be the one to burn that bridge. Why? Because in some way, some time, some where, it will come full circle. If not directly, then indirectly. Six degrees of separation? This week alone, I have met/re-connected with at least three people! That’s been the theme of my entire week, “It’s a small world!” And with the internet, trust, at this point, it’s smaller than a global village.
Hopefully by the time this letter reaches you, you’d have patched things up with her. But if not, just keep an open mind as you read what I’ve written, and whatever you decide, you know I’ve got your back. And as for those 30 missed calls diee. Aden?! Are they paying you to call a single person that many times? Anyways, it’s the weekend again, and I’m sure you have a bunch planned. Enjoy it to the max, and keep me updated.
Yours in missed calls & overflowing inboxes,
P.S. Since this is an e-letter, enjoy the video insert. For ‘old’ times sake :)
Jemila Abdulai is the creative director, editor and founder of the award-winning website Circumspecte.com. A media and international development professional and economist by training, she combines her business, communications and project management expertise with her strong passion for Africa. Besides writing and reading, she enjoys travel, global cuisine, movies, and good design.